A Costco shopper at BJ’s Wholesale Club
Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.

One of these things is not like the others.

Not for the faint of wallet.

“That’s hot.”

My heart went “pitter” but not “pat.”

Tasty, but miserly.

Stylish pleather jackets.

Sounds like a cell phone. But tastes a lot better.

A stupid amount of pickles.

Cold hands, warm sushi.

Why can’t you be more like your brother?

Beam me up, Scottie!

We’ve struck oil.

Oooh, it’s spiiiiiicy!

Bits of jiggly pig.

I feel a tiny bit crazy?

If Chuck Norris was a butterscotch.

The good kind of Karen.

When life hands you a weird chemical smell…

Onions are my dearest friends.